


Gratitude

by AON



Series: Chaos was the law of nature; Order was the dream of man [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Lance (Voltron), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Black Paladin Shiro (Voltron), Blue Paladin Allura (Voltron), Blue Paladin Lance (Voltron), Character Death, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Deaf Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Evil Keith (Voltron), Evil Lance (Voltron), Evil Pidge | Katie Holt, Evil Shiro (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Good Lotor (Voltron), Hacker Pidge | Katie Holt, How Do I Tag, Hunk (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Injured Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Langst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Voltron Lion Swap, Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, Timeline What Timeline, Voltron Lion Swap, Whump, dark lance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-10 00:49:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17415797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AON/pseuds/AON
Summary: "Everything moves in cycles. We are born to die and do it again. Peace is made so war can ruin it. We fall in love to break our hearts. Everything moves in circles that no one is able to break, hijo." Chaos sat next to him in the void as they spoke."Well," Lance said with a smirk. "I happen to be really good at breaking things."OrLance fully believes that entire universe is out to get him. He was never made to live a simple life. He was made to die and come back, go to a alternative reality, die again, join a rebellion, adopt a alien child, win a war, become a king, unite the universe and come home to do it all again.He was always made for greatness.





	1. In life; death

**Author's Note:**

> Waddup  
> Chapter 2 wont be up until February 1st, but after that i should be updating once a week. It might take a while to fully pick up but its gonna get pretty intense. Thanks for reading and if you want any of your own head cannons included than please leave them in the comments because i love to hear what you guys want to read

Death was a luxury the paladins of Voltron could not afford. When they lost everything, they couldn't give into the temptation of giving up. Admitting defeat, even when all hope was gone, wasn't allowed.

They didn't sign up for this but they couldn't escape it either. They were the last defense. They didn't have any other choice.

The Galra captured Keith a over a year ago. He fought and he killed because he knew he had information that could help turn the tide of the war in their favor. He was strong and even when he was faced with the impossible, he was able to survive. 

Eight months ago, Pidge got kidnapped. Giving up didn't once crossed her mind, because she knew that she was irreplaceable. She didn't think that it was too hard or that she wasn't enough. She had faith in herself and she escaped.

When Shiro had crashed landed on an abandoned Moon three months ago, he could barely walk. Yet he stood up and got himself out, because that's what a paladin does. 

Time after time, each of them were able to prove that they were meant to be here. That their lion was right to chose them. Lance wanted to be like that. He wanted to believe in what they were fighting for to the point where doing the impossible became a daily feat. Where giving up never crossed his mind. But he wasn't. While their minds were clear of any weakness, his was infested with it. 

It was easy for them. They could get out of their beds in the morning with ease and fight with everything, every single time. He had to force himself not to give up, even when it came to the most basic things.

He would have given up a long time ago if not for Blue. Blue was always by his side, through thick and thin and she was always there to remind him that he was strong. She reminded him of his mom a lot of the time. 

In a way, blue became his home. 

Having her was what kept lance moving forward. Maybe the Antidepressants had something to do with it, but it was mostly Blue. Not because he was important or the faith of the universe depended partly on him, but because he couldn't give up on Blue. It felt too much like giving up on his mother. It was selfish, but hey, everyone has their flaws.

While, yes, he wanted to give up, he never did. He fought, not with passion, but with spite. Everyone his entire life had expectations for him. He hated that. When he was young, the expectation was for him to fail in school because of his ADHD and dyslexia as well as his standing and a immigrant child. Purley out of spite, he made it into the garrison, a school for genesis children and young Adults to train to become the futures best pilots and Astronauts. Everyone at the garrison expected him to be the worst pilot ever, and while it was unintentional, he become a defender of the universe. Allura expected him to hold the team back at first, but now he was a asset. 

He expected himself to give up. To fail. He wasn't going to allow himself to be right.

Mission 112 of Quintant 762  
Mission classification: Information sweep.

Getting information against the Galra was a very important part of war. It's what put them on top and gave them their next step. It was important that they made sure the information they received was correct and if they had nothing to do, getting information was always the first step. 

Now finding this information wasn't always easy. While most of the time pidge was able to hack into things remotely, sometimes she needed to be somewhere that was already connected to the Galra’s overall mainframe. That often lead them to abandoned bases, or small out post in random, far out places all over the universe. 

They were all pretty small and easy to navigate. Most of them were just to show that the Galra owned that part of the universe. The basis of the mission was to get in undetected, get to the control room and let let pidge do whatever she did. Then they would leave, causing the smallest amount of damage as they could.

These bases were easy targets because they only usually contained sentries. Every once in a while there would be a living soldier or two, but it was rare. They had the castle scan before every mission, to ensure that they weren't taken by surprise. 

But this was different. A little more tricky and confusing. This base used to be a Galra HQ for the Chao district, which was now abandoned. With the soldiers and generals no longer needed in the area, they all left. 

In their place, hundreds of Sentries where left there to overlook the base. If the need for live soldiers in the district ever grew, than they would have a somewhere to go. 

What was confusing was why there was not a single soldier there. The base was giant, taking up the entire moon it sat on. The entire surface was concrete and metal. Pidge had said that the floors ran down for miles.

It was such a large base that it was stupid for them to not have people there. Hunk suggested it was because ghosts haunted the halls and they had no choice but to leave. Keith thought it was a trap, which made sense.

Pidge said that neither of them were smart and that it like likely had to do with a lack of soldiers in the Galra forces. With Voltron, the coalition and the blade of Marmora overtaking more and more bases and freeing more and more planets, Soldiers were being moved to places that were in a higher demand.

When they arrived, they found that they needed a way to land their lions without setting the sentries on their tail. Coran and Pidge ended up hacking into the Galra messages system and sent a memo to the base. Something about a inspection and a landing dock number whatever. 

Keith spent five minutes trying to convince the others they needed to take all the lions. He was so sure that this was a trap and that they needed to be ready to fight. No one was on board with him until lance agreed. This mission was weird and they needed to be careful. Everyone brushed it off as them being paranoid, but agreed to take the lions anyway.

Pidge threw a comment about how Keith was wearing off on lance over her shoulder. He definitely didn't blush.

Before they went to their lions, lance went to see Keith in reds hanger.

"Hey, can we talk?" He asked as he walked up to him. He couldn't have told you why he was nervous. Him and keith had talked hundreds of times, but this felt different. More serious.

Keith was typing on his computer, but stopped and turned around to greet lance anyway. The top section of his hair was up in a bun, which was getting pretty normal at this point. In fact, Both him and Allura had their hair tied back or braided most of the time. It was hard to manage their hair in a battle. Pidge had given up and cut hers to look more like hunks. She said something about “not having the time for that bullshit.”

"Uh Yeah, sure. whats up?" A year ago, this would have been weird. Now, it was pretty normal. 

"Okay, So everyone thinks that this mission isn't weird. Which it is, kinda. Maybe it could be? Anyway, the team is going to be on a lower alert than they should because they think it normal. I just wanted to make sure you could help make up for that." His words didn't really make that much sense to him, so he doubted Keith would get what he was trying to say.

"Huh?" Yep, there it was. 

"Okay,” He tried again, thinking over what he was saying this time, “So everyone is thinking that this mission is going to be normal and they won't listen to us when we say something is wrong. We both know that something is up, but they can't see it for some reason. So we need to pick up their slack and stay alert and ready to fight, just incase." He explained. He was good with saying things in the moment. Coming up with things on the fly, but if he had time to think it over, he had time to overthink it and mess himself up.

"Yeah, for sure. I was hoping that i wasn't the only one that thought this was weird. Thanks for speaking up for me earlier by the way." Keith sounded like a weight got removed from his shoulders.

"Anytime. If you ever have a gut feeling, tell me and i'll be there. Your gut hasn't been wrong once the entire two years we've been in space." Lance said in all seriousness.

"Well actually there was that one time at pol-"

"We don't talk about that." Lance interrupted, reliving the most cringe memory he had for a moment.

Keith laughed and waved him off. Lance turn and left without looking back. He liked to think he never looked back. 

It wasn't long before they were all in their lions, flying down to the base. Lance would have made a joke, it didn't seem like the right time. Everyone was expecting that from him, but he could feel it in his gut. Something was going to go wrong on a huge scale.

They landed, then entered the base without a problem. The landing pad had a large Galran number on it that he didn't understand, but he paid no mind. They entered the base through a large, empty hanger where a couple sentries were patrolling, but the paladins left them alone and moved on. If one of the Grey robots got hurt, it would alert the others that there was a intruder. Best just to move slow and stay low.

Then they ran into the first problem. When they started searching for the control room, it wasn't as easy as they had hoped. The base turned out to be more of a maze than anything. The long grey halls all looked identical with doors on less than half of them. 

They spent almost twenty minutes pulling up the wrong maps and fighting over which way to turn. After that they started kicking in and shooting down random doors until they found it. It was very much a human thing because the Alteans called them insane over the com’s.

That was a theme with most things though. If something wasn't going right, the humans would just do random shit to see what would work. Guns don't work when fighting this ship? Just fucking drive your lion straight into it. Machine isn't working right? Slam your first into it till it does. Can't find one certain room? Kick down every fucking door. 

While Pidge and Hunk went inside to begin hacking, Keith, Shiro and Lance stood guard. Shiro stood in front of the door, Keith at the right end of the hall and Lance at the left. Everything was pretty quite and lance got bored, to be honest. He was still on high alert, waiting for something to happen, but it was still boring.

With his ADHD brain left with nothing to do, he started humming “Don't stop believing.” It was something he would normally do and since he had barely said anything since they left the castle, everyone was kind of tense. He was honestly waiting for someone to tell him to shut up, but instead Keith decided to joined him. 

He looked over his shoulder, finding that Shiro was also staring at Keith, a small smile working in his face. Keith's back was facing them and he didn't notice the looks he was getting any weird looks. He just continue to hum.

Lance chuckled to himself. He guessed Keith knew the Garrison trio worked best with music at this point and he didn't even seem fazed anymore.

After a couple more seconds, Hunk joined too. 

When the song ended, it was quite for a couple seconds. Lance started humming “Never Going To Give You Up” before anyone else had the chance to pick the next song. It earned a snort from Shiro and a groan from Pidge. 

They continued that way for around fifteen minutes, switching between horrible 80’s songs while pidge and hunk hacked. During the middle of “Africa” by Toto, the alarm begane going off.

Loud sirens and flashing red lights filled the halls, making everyone jump out of shock. No one was actually surprised though. In fact, they were waiting for it. The alarms normally went off after about five to seven minutes, but Pidge was getting better. She started spending her free time hacking into random servers and everyone could see her improvement in working fast and staying undetected.

Lance and Keith both raised their weapons, facing out to either side of the hall. They were both ready to hold off any sentries that came their way. The team would be staying until Pidge and Hunk got what they needed or until they were over run. But to Lance's surprise, team Punk came out almost immediately after they alarms came on.

“We got the good stuff.” Pidge laughed, waving her flash drive around before attaching it to her suit. 

“Oh and it looked super juicy.” Hunk added. They were both smiling like little kids in a candy store.

“That's great Pidge!” Allura said through their earpieces. “Now get back to the castle so we can leave before any reinforcements arrive.” 

Allura and Coran where currently in the castle, watching over the moon. Keith and Lance had convinced them to be battle ready while they were inside.

“Oh dear,” Coran said in a quiet voice. “Seems like it's a little too late for that.”

“Holy Mother of Altea.” Allura said, matching Corans dreadful tone.

“Allura, status report. What happening out there?” Shiro said, demanding answers. Dread filled lance's stomach.

“We have a whole fleet of Galra battleships inbound. How did they get here so fast? Why are there so many.” Allura's normal calm voice was gone. 

"Fuck, We told you, but nooo! Me and Keith were just being paranoid." Lance said in a angry tone. The one time he thinks something will go wrong, it does. He should be a psychic.

"Watch your language, Lance." Shiro snapped back by reflex.

"We have to go." Keith said with a solid voice. He sounded like a dad that got sick of his kids not listening. If Keith was the tired dad than that would make Lance the mom that never even wanted kids. Both were done with this war and wanted a fucking nap.

Actually, analogy aside, lance really did feel like their mother sometimes. None of them knew how to fucking take care of themselves and he didn't know how it happened, but he was suddenly the mom friend.

Almost on cue of keiths demand, the sound of sentries footsteps started echoing down from keith’s side of the hall. There had to be at least ten of them, all running in sync toward the paladins.

Keith starting jogging to the left end of he hall, everyone else following close behind. When they got to lance, they fell into their protective positions and turned the corner. Shiro and Keith were in the front with Pidge behind them and hunk and Lance in the back. 

Since they were in a closed environment, close combat weapons would work best as the first defense. Sensitive information needed protection, hence why it was in the middle. If someone was was trailing them, long range weapons would be best to take them out.

They had practiced this so much that it was a second nature by now. Hell they even walked like this in the halls. It felt wrong if anyone was out of place. 

They were able to get a couple halls away before the sentries caught up. Lance and hunk both had their shields up to protect the group from fire. That didn't help that much because the sentries were gaining on them fast.

“Lance, when we turn the corner, stay behind to deal with the sentries. Pidge, keep track of where we go so you can give Lance directions.” Shiro said, getting winded towards the end.

“10-4.” Pidge and Lance both huffed out. They needed to work on their cardio more offend.

When they got to the next corner, lance took about five steps before turning around. He kneeled to the ground and got his automatic rifle ready in rapid succession. He heard the other paladins continue to run and suddenly he felt extremely exposed.

When lance saw movement ahead, he didn't wait one second before firing. With the sentries moving in squads, when the first line collapsed to the ground, the second would trip over them. It was kinda funny and didn't take much effort before they were all disabled.

He stood and turned around, heading to the end of the hall. It split into both directions. 

“Pidge, which way do I turn?” Lance asked, still looking over his shoulder. He would have made a joke about not knowing because he swings both ways, but it wasn't the time. He was still looking for a way to come out to them, but he didn't want to do it as a joke.

Plus he didn't like joking around when he was alone. It was different when they were in a unit. When they were together, he had someone watching his back for him. But when he was alone, he had to be on full alert to make sure he didn't die. He always got hurt when he joked around alone.

“Left, Right, Right, Left, Left, Right, the middle and left. That should take you to the hanger.” She replied without even having to think. 

Lance took a second to commit it to memory, which was every difficult due to the fucking blaring alarms. He stopped for a second and asked “Wait, you already made it out? I was gone for five minutes!” 

“Pidge made a map when we were coming in so it would be easy to get out.” Hunk said with pride. Ugh, he was like a mother bragging about how great his kids were. 

Blue, he thought, can you help me remember the directions?

There was a pulse of swirling warmth in his mind. It was her way of saying, "Yes, i will remember all the directions and then tell you which way to go."

Lance mentally sighed. She was both God sent and a sarcastic son of a bitch. He loved her.

Around the time he turned the first corner was when the paladins started talking like they were in a battle. It started slow but by the time he was at the end of the next hall, the battle consumed their conversations.

When he went to turn, he already had forgotten which way to go. Blue sent a faint image to him of him stepping in the right direction. It was almost like thinking about a memory so vivid you can almost see it. He looked around the corner, rifle ready to fire. When he realized it was clear, he looked back down the hall he came from. When he found no one following, he continued moving.

It continued like that for a few halls before blue forced him to stop dead in his track in the middle of one of the halls.

There was a burn in his mind, like his brain was on fire. Then a pulling in his gut. He felt a new wave of adrenaline go through his veins and then he was panicking. Frantic images of him turning and running away flashed through his mind. They were more sloppy and forceful than before. Blue was panicking and confusion filled his mind.

“Blue, what's going on? Come one girl, I have to get to the hanger.” He said out loud, his voice shaking. Sometimes when the lions felt super strong emotions, their paladin would feel it too.

Voices filled his ears, asking him what he was talking about, but he couldn't pay them any attention. More visions filled his mind. Fire everywhere; explosions that caved in the whole building. 

The urgency built, and she was mentally screaming for him to turn around. He was still trying to put all the pieces together. It was hard to get his and her mind in order enough to think straight.

“Oh, fuck.” He realized too late that she was trying to warn him of a bomb. 

When he started to turn around and run, the entire hall in front of him exploded. 

He heard the initial explosion, the horrible ear-splitting sound filling his mind. White and red completely took over his vision. The horrible sound turned into a even worse ringing.

He was thrown into the air and flew across the hall.

Then everything was dark.

When he opened his mind again, the first thing he noticed was the fact that he wasn't breathing. The air was completely knocked out of him and no matter what he did, he couldn't get a breath to come back into his body. He laid there, mouth gaping like a fish out of water.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, he was able to force himself to take in a deep, gasping breath. He immediately started coughing. Lance leaned to one side and propped himself up on his arm, which brought his attention to two more things.

One, it fucking hurt like all hell. His back ached from where he landed and his lungs felt the they were trying to close in on each other. His face was wet with what he could only assume was blood and he had a deep stabbing pain across his eye. It was like the first time he got exploded, but a little less extreme. Like if the first time was a 10/10 on the pain scale than this pain would be a solid 6/10. 

He didn't want to be able to rank his pain caused by a explosion based on experience. No 19 year old should be able to, but whatever. Sometimes it just be like that.

Two, he couldn't hear his coughing. In fact all he heard was a ringing that was starting to fade. But in its place was… nothing. His coughing fit was slowing down so he took the chance to raise a hand close to his ear. He snapped once. Then twice. Nothing.

Deaf. He was now deaf. Great, its okay. It happens to the best of them. It was fine. It's not like sound is one of the most important things in his life or anything. Or the fact that he couldn't sleep a full night without music. Or like the hope of hearing his mom’s voice got him out of the bed in the morning. Nope. It's no big deal.

He laid back down on his back, gasping for air and blinking, blood starting to get in his left eye. He needed a second to regain his senses. Or at least the senses he could gain at the moment.

He focused on the sense of feeling first. He was light headed as all hell and every part of his body tingled. It was like there was static electricity under his skin, trying to get out. When he finally started catching his breath, the pain started setting in. 

His back and head hurt more than anything. The throbbing pain through his skull made it hard to think and the aching in his back made it hard to breathe. He felt like his soul had been got out if his body and it hadn't come back all the way yet. Like he was hovering over himself, watching.

He brought a shaking hand up to feel his face through his raised visor. Why was his visor open? There was blood now on his neck and seeping into his under suit and making his face sticky. He touched the corner of his eye, wincing at the sore feeling but he knew that wasn't where the real damage was.

He could feel the pain more concentrated now. Instead of hurting all over his face, it was over his left eye. It felt like a large cut going through his eyebrow and over his eye like John from Lost. Damn, he really hoped that it wouldn't scar.

It felt like one moment, he was dreaming. His mind was out of his body, looking on from a distance like in a video game. He was unaware of the weight of what had happened. But in seconds it felt like his mind and body collided full force and he shot up from his lying position. He was got exploded, again. Holy fuck. 

There was still a battle going on outside. And he was inside. He also couldn't hear. Holy fuck he couldn't hear. 

He could feel himself start to panic, his breath picking up and his thoughts racing. He was most likely going to die in this random fucking base. He would most likely never hear his mom's voice again. Or the rain and the ocean.

Blue picked up on his growing hopelessness and mentally put a foot down. It was almost like someone slammed a textbook on a table, except he didn't hear it, but had the same reaction. His head snapped forward and every thought stopped as he gave blue his full attention. It was so weird how she did that.

Warm pulses went though his mind, but it wasn't soft like before. It wasn't the normal feeling like water. No this was like bricks. Formal. She was trying to tell him to remember his training, he deduced.

Yes, his training for if he went deaf. They did that. They also had training for if you went blind, lost a limb, couldn't speak, or if someone fell unconscious. He knew the steps he had to take. 

First he had to evaluate his environment. 

He stood up, which took a couple seconds. His legs were shaking under him and while they weren't injured, they didn't feel good either. He had never wanted to be in a healing pod more in his life.

He looked around the hall, or what was left of it. Smoke was still settling around him, rubble and dust completely covering the floor. He was standing in the middle of the hall when the bomb went off at the other end. He had been thrown back quite a way and from the looks of it, he slid pretty far too.

Worse fucking slide he had ever been on. One out of ten, would not recommend.

The end of the hall that had been directly affected by the bomb looked pretty bad. The floor was completely gone, showing the next floor below it through the hole. The walls were caving outward and the ceiling had cracks reaching out in every direction. It reminded lance of vines searching for light.

He was lucky the whole hall didn't cave in. He wasn't going to stick around long enough to see if it would. He also remember his visor was still open. If the moon they were on didn't have breathable air than he would definitely be dead. He taped the side if his helmet and the glass slid down to cover his face.

Next, once he had established he was safe for the time being, he had to establish communication.

He clicked the tiny button on his helmet beside his eye to make sure the com link was open.

“Blue Paladin to Voltron.” He said and while he couldn't hear it, he could feel how his voice was scratching and cracking. “I was caught in the blast radius of a explosive. I'm not sure of what kind or even where it came from, but i am currently unable to hear anything.” he took a breath and paused a second before starting again, “I have a minor head injury, which is bleeding. Overall i should be fine. If you can hear me, please send a message viva holoscreen. My path was blocked so i can't get out with the original directions. If i don't receive a message within 5 quinetents than i gonna try to find my own way out of the base. Over.”

And then he waited. He stared down at his wrist, waiting for a message to pop up on his screen. He knew it was only a matter of time before the sentries came back to this area so he had to get moving. But he still waited.

This was bull. Everyone else got to their lions and lance got exploded. It wasn't fair that he was always the one that ended up in the healing pods and it wasn't even because he was careless. Space just didn't like him. He always seemed to be left with the shit job. “Go distract these aliens we know nothing about!” or “Hey, go into town to see if the natives are friendly!” or even “Deal with these sentries by yourself while we keep running!”

They didn't mean to do it. Hell, lance doubted they even knew they put the shitty jobs onto him. He had never once complained about it. He would rather put himself at risk than to force his team to do the stupid jobs. He was just salty that he keep getting hurt and his friends thought it was his fault. In the end, only real person to blame was the enemy. He sighed to himself.

He was almost hoping he would hear it, but he didn't. Every time he was reminded of his lack of hearing, a new wave of hopeless came over him. This war had already taken so much. First his blissful ignorance, then his innocents, peace of mind and sleep following. There were so many other things and knowing that he lost his hearing was leading him to lose his hope as well. He prayed the healing pod would fix him.

He brought his hand to his neck and felt the blood that was soaked into his under suit. The helmets where only air tight when there was a lack of pressure or a very large amount of pressure. When they were in safe environments, they wanted their skin to be able to breath. They also didn't like when their sweat would fog up their helmets.

Hence the blood soaking out from his helmet onto the rest of himself. He had been bleeding out of the wound on his eye and through his nose, he found out by moving his face around a little. The bleeding had stopped by now and lance had no doubt his face was covered in drying blood. Head wounds always bleed a lot.

He held his left eye closed now, both because got tired of blinking the blood out of it and it hurt to have open anyway. He had no idea what hit his face but whatever it was, it got him good. He didn't even remember getting hit in the face by something. That wasn't a good sign but whatever.

He looked around the hall and tried taking in everything and collecting himself. He needed plan to escape. He had already come to terms that they wouldn't reply. 

He was starting to think of a escape plan when a blinking blue light from his wrist caught his attention.

He tapped it fast, desperate for some type of rescue or advice or even directions. He didn't know how to feel about the message that he received.

In red writing, a message appeared on his screen.

Red paladin to blue paladin. 

We hear you loud and clear. We are under attack right now, so i don't think we can be of assistance in any way. We are trying to protect the castle so we can leave as soon as you get here. When you get to your lion, fly straight to the hanger. Everyone is worried sick, so you better get up here so i can kill you for scaring me like that. If anything happens than tell us. Stay safe and come home.

Over.

That was sweeter than he thought it would be and he blushed a tiny bit. It kinda caught him of guard. No one needed to know if he saved the message. Not a soul.

Okay, no, nope, not right now.. Keep your mind on the mission lance. He thought to himself. 

“Got it Keith,” he chuckled “I didn't know you cared that much.” The consequences of his words didn't matter right now. He couldn't couldn't hear their response anyway. If anyone asked about it later than he could say he was delirious. That's what he did last time.

Okay, so he was on his own for this one. That’s fine. He was also deaf. So he had to focus more on the vibrations in the ground instead of in the air. Simple.

He was lucky he didn't need ears to listen to blue. 

Pictures of him turning around flashed through his head. 

He had full faith that blue had been looking for a way out and that she had found a path that would take him right to her. He followed her directions, taking turns and back tracking when she made mistakes. He had tried to run at first but he had lost some blood and he was in a lot of pain. Running was a no go. He had to settle for walking as fast as he could.

Before he turned every corner, he crouch down and put his hand flat to the ground. He was feeling for the vibrations caused by walking or marching of sentries. 

For a couple turns he didn't feel anything and he was starting to feel stupid. But before decided it was a waste of time, he felt shaking. It was definitely sentries, no more than five and no less than three.

Without having to think, his bayard turned into a automatic rifle. It was like his bayard was becoming a part of his body. He turned the corner and fired. He didn't stop until he thought they were beyond dead, he was taking any chances. When he lowered his weapon, four sentries laid sprawled out across the floor, in shatters.

He continued on his way, stepping over them. He kept feeling the ground and looking over his shoulders every couple seconds. He was beyond paranoid that something was going to come up behind him. It made him feel like he was back in his home at night with the lights off, running from monsters that weren't there.

After at least 10 minutes of moving, he finally found himself at the large hangar doors. It didn't open when he approached and he remembered the base was on lock down.

He had seen sentries use their hands on the scanner before. He cursed himself for not grabbing one of their hands when he had the chance.

He had a couple choices. He could ask Pidge to hack into the mainframe and open it, but that would take time and they were in a battle. He couldn't detract them. He could turn around and look for more sentries, but he was already at the door. He also didn't want to put himself at the risk of getting caught by a larger squad. Plus he was losing energy by the second and he didn't want to collapse that far into the base. 

He could try shooting them down, but he knew by experience that if his shot at the door it would bounce off. Which meant he could get hit by his own gun. He knew that that hurt like hell, also from experience. Hunks blaster had enough power to knock them down, but lance didn't have his gun and even if he did, he probably wouldn't be able to shoot it without knocking himself out.

The doors where thin so he could pry them open with a knife or a sword. Which he didn't have. 

He walked closer to the door, putting his gloved hands against the metal. He gave a small push and, not to his surprise, they didn't budge. He moved his hand over to the scanner, making sure not to touch the scanning plate. If it scanned something that wasn't meant to be there, than the alarms would go off and sentries would come.

He even didn't know if the alarms were still going off anymore but the lights had stopped. He knew he didn't want sentries to come though. Unless he did?

He could place his hand on the scanner and then run behind a corner and wait for them to go through. But then again he didn't know how many would come or from what direction so it had a high chance of going very bad. 

As he thought over the pros and cons of each plan, he didn't notice the single sentry coming up behind him. At least not until it stabbed him.

Pain erupted through the lower part of his back muscles and he yelled out of pain and shock. Without having to think, he swung his bayard behind him. The bayard, in bayard from, hit the sentry in the head with as much force as lance could muster. 

It seemed to be enough force to knock the gray fucker of his feet. Lance's bayard turned into a pistol and he shot. The blast went straight through the robots face and since it was already trying to get back up, it fell back and slammed into the ground. Lance couldn't hear himself, but he could tell he was making some noises, huffing through his nose.

Blue went from a commanding leader to frantic mother in his head. She was pressing for him to look at the wound and assess how bad it was. 

Lance dropped his bayard to the ground and raised his arm slightly. It hurt so fucking bad to move in the slightest. He looked back under his arm to his side. The Adrenalin, lance favorite drug, was already wearing off and pain shot through his body. A knife, small and black, stuck out of his lower back. He could barely see it, but he didn't see tons of blood. He was lucky because it looked far enough to the side that it didn't hit any organs. The knife was also stemming most of the bleeding.

“Ugh,” he moaned loudly, before yelling “Fucking FUCK.” His hand were clenched so hard he could almost feel his nails through his gloves. He really wanted to punch a wall.

The blue light on his wrist was flashing again telling him that the others were trying to contact him. He didn't bother. He would tell them later, that's if he made it out alive.

He couldn't hear himself, but he could tell he was crying. If the burning in the throat told him anything, he would not have a voice tomorrow. Hell he wouldn't even live till tomorrow unless he got this fucking door open. 

Okay, he thought. Get the door, then to your lion and into the castle. A pod would be waiting for him. All he needed was a way out. He needed a fucking knife or a crowbar or fucking something.

His face fell flat and he looked forward. He felt like someone on 'The Office' when someone said something stupid. 

He did have a knife. He raised his arm again to look at his back. 

It was in his left side, going straight from his back to the front and was on the outer side of his back. It was big enough to to pry the doors open, but not enough to go through his front. Fuck, he was so fucking lucky. This could have been so much worse. Of course if he removed it, he would start bleeding and he would have to recover fast enough to pull the doors open, get to his lion, get to the castle and into a pod without bleeding out. He could do that. Yeah, he could totally do that.

He place his left hand on the hilt of the blade and his right on his skin around the wound. He wasn't going to allow himself to think about it because then he would back out. He only took one second before sucking in a deep breathe and pulling. 

He tried not to scream again. He did try. He didn't even know which words were coming out of his mouth anymore. He was yelling and his vision was blurry but none of that mattered. The pain that he was feeling wasn't good. Taking the knife out was so much worse than getting stabbed. So, so much worse.

It was like yanking out a Parana that liked being inside his back. Every instinct in him was screaming for him to stop because, hey that fucking hurts so don't do that. He ripped it out in one go and it only took seconds. It felt like years. 

Blue was pressing into his mind, pushing harder than she had ever, but didn't let her in. Lance didn't know why, but it felt wrong for blue to be in his head as he was dealing with this. She didn't need to see him like this.

If lance wasn't crying before, was now. He fell to his knees and had to stop himself from falling straight on his face. He pressed his hand against against the now open wound. It wasn't to far above his hip so he looked like a old man gripping his back in pain. In his sobbing, he remembered he was still in a enemy base. 

Breathe lance, he thought, the universe still needs you. Your not allowed to give up yet. 

He took a second and let himself continue to curse and cry. He had not stopped cussing since he removed the small blade. He didn't know what words he was using, but he knew fuck, carajo, and puta were the focal point. His mama would beat the shit out of him if she was here. Thank all fuck his mom wasn't here.

His mind crossed over something a rebel member had told him once. That whenever his life was in danger, he only let the fear take over for a couple seconds. Then he would put on the bravest face he could and get through it. If he acted like a hero than he would still be doing brave things, even if he felt like a coward.

So, lance gave himself five seconds. He was only going to let this injury consume him for five more seconds. After that he would get up and handle it like a Paladin would. Or at least he was going to act like a Paladin. Fake it till you make it.

One. This was the worst pain he had ever felt.

Two. Lance wished someone was here to help him. He hated that he was doing this alone.

Three. He wanted to go home. He yearned for it more than he yearned to breathe.

Four. He shouldn't be crying. He was a defender of the universe for God's sake.

Five. He wished the blade would have just killed him. It would have been better than whatever he was doing right now.

Then it was time to move on. He forced himself to stop crying and to breath. In and out. It was the most simple thing. In and then out. 

He opened his eyes, not even realizing he had closed them. He was still on the ground with his hand pressed hard against his side. Blood covered his hand and wrist. The sentry was dead on the floor in front of him and the black knife was beside him laying on the ground. 

He reached over with his right hand to pick it up, wincing when he turned. He was repeating the words ‘in and then out’ in his head, matching his breath in the same tempo. The knife was cold and light in his hand. It had leather wrapped around the hilt and he couldn't tell if the red coloring came from blood or if it was just red leather. Besides the point. 

He had so many questions. Why had there only been one sentry? Why did it have a knife? Why was the knife not a standard Galra knife? Why haven't any other sentries come yet? He was thankful but his was far too convenient. 

He didn't know the answers, but he knew he had to get up and get moving. This was the part he was dreading. He had to act like a real paladin now.

Standing up was hard. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from screaming again. His throat hurt way to much for that. He struggled to get to his feet more than he wanted to admit to himself. In fact, he almost wanted to let himself fall back into his giving up mind set. Good thing he wanted to go home more.

He kept his hand pressed as hard as he could on his back and he limped to the door. This was going to be the dangerous part. He had to use both of his hands to grip the knife and slam it between the slit in the middle of the doors. Once he got it as far as it would go he pushed against it, prying the door open enough to get his hands between it. Then he pulled them apart as hard as he could. 

It wasn't easy and he could feel blood running down his side and soaking into his under suit. He was sure he was making lots of weird noises as he struggled, but he couldn't hear it. Jesus Christ, this was not fun.

After about fifteen seconds of pulling as hard as he could, the doors slid open. He grabbed the knife and made sure his bayard was on him and he stumbled out of the doors. He earned that knife. He wasn't going to leave it behind.

The type of hanger he walked into was what the paladins called a garage. It had three walls and a roof but instead of a fourth wall it had a huge opening. The room itself was the size of a large Walmart with a super high roof. Is was empty when they came in but now blue was occupying the floor.

She was laying on her stomach with her mouth open. She had her particle barrier up when he first opened the doors, but they fell as soon as she saw him. Blue pushed against his mind again and he let her in as he stumbled and limped up the ramp and into the cockpit.

She was…. Not every happy. She chewed him out mentally as he made his way and he didn't know if he was wincing from the pain or from fear. She had never been this mad at him. He knew that it was all based on love and fear for him, but it low key made him want to start crying again. 

His head was swimming even before he got stabbed, but now? He was definitely going to pass out within the next 10 to 15 minutes. He hoped his friends were ready to leave. He couldn't take that much more. His willpower quota was about full for the day.

The second he was in his seat, Blue stood and took off. It was such a change in pace that he slid back and banged his head on his seat, dropping the knife to the floor. His hand was slammed between the seat and his back, putting pressure on his bleeding wound. Convenient. 

Blue was flying way faster than lance thought she could. She was pushing herself harder than he ever had and it scared Lance. Maybe he had underestimated just how bad his condition was.

The battle was still raging in the sky, though it looked like it was coming to a end. From the looks of it, the other lions where playing defense around the castle since the particle barrier was down. The castle was saying its energy and lance wondered how hard the battle had been. He felt bad that he wasn't there to help.

When the other lions saw blue moving toward him, they seemed to start retreating to the castle as well. Shiro’s face popped up on the side of his screen, followed by the others. Lance was kinda sad that he didn't see Corans face amongst them. It felt like he should had been there for this.

Everyone had a different range of emotions. Shiro looked angry, hunk was crying and pidge was freaking out. Allura and keith looked beyond shocked. He still couldn't open his left eye and his whole face was itching from the dry blood. He was still praying that whatever happened to his face didn't leave a scar. Everyone was talking at once, but Lance couldn't understand any of the words they were saying. Shiro must have picked up on his confusion because he started yelling. Everyone closed their mouths faster than lance could blink.

Shiro started talking again but it was still to fast for him to understand. He didn't want to ask blue for help on this because she was busy. He mentally called out to her anyway, asking if she could put live captions on the screen. It took a second but words started flowing below everyone's faces.

Blue landed in her hanger. He stayed in his seat, not trusting himself to walk without collapsing anymore. 

“Shiro, please start over.” he asked, his throat hurting and his voice feeling shaky.

Shiro stopped for a second looking confused and worried before starting over.

“I said, what happened? You said you were almost completely fine after the explosion. You look like you got hit by a train.” The words read across the screen.

“I may have overestimated my ability to recover after getting exploded. Plus, that was before i got stabbed.” he said trying to stay awake. His eyes were getting heavy and the words on the screen were starting to blur here and there. He was no doubt slurring his words. He just had to wait till someone came to help.

Everyone started yelling again, but the live captions only picked but Shiro’s words.

“What?! Fuck, Lance stay awake! Jesus Christ, lance you should have said something. Lance? Lance, stay awake.” The words continued to dance across the screen, but lance had gave up on trying to read them. English was never his strong suit anyway.

He was trying his hardest to stay awake, but he could feel himself fading. It was almost like that one quote from The Fault in our Stars, he thought.

“I fell in love with you like you would fall asleep: Slowly and then all at once” 

Except instead of falling in love, he was dying. It was almost the same thing anyway.

After all this fighting and struggling, it was almost funny. He made it to the safe spot. He was as close to home as he was going to get and yet he still was going to die. He didn't want to die.

He focused on a random spot on his dashboard not even looking at the the other paladins anymore. He could still see them through his peripheral view though. One by one, they were disappearing off the screen, leaving him alone again. 

He was focusing every part of his mind and soul to staying awake. The pain seemed to start to fade, which wasn't a good sign.

He couldn't tell how long he was sitting there before someone's frantic hands were on him. They were pushing against his back, touching his stomach and face. More hands took his helmet off, placing it somewhere and began removing his armor.

Another pair of hands cupped his face. They had so many hands, he thought to himself.

Then there was a face in front of his, but he couldn't tell whose it was. Everything was blurry and weightless and soft. The pain had stopped and lance couldn't tell if that was good anymore. It was bad because it meant he was dying, but at least his last moments wouldn't be completely unpleasant.

Blue was in his mind, mentally hugging his thoughts and emotions. She was already mourning him, her pain and guilt radiating in his thoughts. It gave him a sense of finality. She was a 10,000 year old being, so if she was already mourning a his life than lance decided that he should too. 

He missed his mom. 

He missed earth and everything he left behind. 

He wanted to go home and forget about all the war and death he had seen. He missed his hope and innocence. This was the end though. He didn't get to say goodbye to his mother and he didn't get to hug her again. Call him a child, but he would literally willing walk to his grave if he could hug his mom one last time. 

It seems that he didn't have a option though.

He failed. A simple mission had cost him his life. There wasn't anything brave about his death. He didn't die saving people, or protecting anyone. He was going to die by a fucking sentrie. What was Voltron going to do now? Would Allura take over his spot? He felt the way blue was reaching out to her. It almost made him sick how fast his lion was willing to move on. But then again, this was war. There wasn't time to be sad about losing people. 

Its weird, Knowing your going to die any second. What are you supposed to do besides feel sorry for yourself? There wasn't a lot of time to do anything. He just wished he had more time. He was scared. God, lance was so fucking scared. The after life was something lance always feared, simply because he he didn't believe in it. But now? Now, he wished he would had prayed more. Just incase. 

He forced himself to stay awake until strong arm lifted him, giving him a sense of deja vu. 

Huh. Must have been Keith. 

He held him bridal style and when lance's head started lolling to the side, he couldn't fight it anymore. 

Blackness took his vision and lead filled his body as he fell unconscious. He couldn't remember having any solid last thoughts.

It was dark for a moment, he couldn't quite tell if he was dead or just sleeping. His mind wasn't working like it normally did. He was somehow thinking nothing and everything at the same time and he didn't feel anything because everything was blending together. He didn't even feel real as he floated though nothingness.

It felt like he didn't exist. Like he never existed and everything he ever was was ripped out of existence and he was now nothing. It was strange though because while he was nothing he still WAS. He wasn't thinking but he still knew things. Like he was a living, or non-living oxymoron.

Then, he went supernova. Every thought he had, every memory, every atom that made him seemed to exploded out of the nothingness he was and cover the void, before imploding into one confined space, creating him once more.

And then he existed. 

His eyes opened as he looked around him. In every direction was an all consuming darkness, except for directly in front of him. Straight forward and equal to his eyes, sat a circle of galaxies and nebulas. They all connected together creating intricate, colorful webs that looked like brain cells, firing off chemicals in different directions. They were all contained in a nice, perfect circle about the size of his head. It looked like a bubble of pure existence.

It felt like he was making eye contact with the answers to everything. In that moment, he knew more than he ever thought possible.

It wasn't the answers to questions he asked during his time being a mortal. Those didn't matter anymore. No, he knew the answers to things he never had the brain capacity to even comprehend.

He didn't even know how he knew, but he was staring into a physical manifestation of chaos. The creator of everything and the holder to all answers.

He wanted more. He needed more. Desire churned in his stomach and his heart ached for knowledge. He had the answers, but they didn't make sense by themselves. Everything was connected, but no matter how hard lance stared into chaos, he couldn't connect them to make a story.

It was like putting together a puzzle that was made of only white puzzle pieces. 

He reached his hand out towards chaos, but stopped short when he saw his skin, or the lack thereof. In place of his flesh and blood was a deep red smoke. It was locked into the confines of the outline of his human body, pushing and pulling, begging for freedom. The red swirled angrly, pushing at his non-existent skin, trying to get out. He realized what was happening.

If he wanted answers, he would have to left the smoke out. He would have to give up the safety and predictability of mortality and lose his mortal standing. He would get his answers, but he would have to let go of everything that made him human.

He could go back to the living if he wanted. He wouldn't get the knowledge he desired, but he could continue living. If he chose to go than he would have to live out the rest of his human life feeling unsatisfied without knowing why. 

He would have to give something up either way. In his winning, he would still lose. 

It was completely his choice though. Chaos wouldn't care and had no bias towards the choice. They were simply the gatekeeper. It was completely up to what Lance wanted. 

Huh. Lance. That was his name, wasn't it? He hadn't even thought of the things back with the living. All the things he wouldn't have anymore if he let himself die for good. Earth, victory, His mama, the paladins. Love. Then again, if he lost his ability to love than none of those things would matter.

If he chose to go to chaos, then he would be satisfied. He wouldn't feel guilt for leaving, he wouldn't miss anything and none of his mistakes would hold any weight. There are no expectations for the dead. That was something lance could get behind. 

But the again, what happened when he knew all the answers? Would he just disappear? There would be no point in his existence once he knew everything. There would be nothing left to learn.

If he went back, couldn't he just die again and come back to this choice later? He would be getting the best of both worlds if he chose to stay alive.

But wouldn't he feel unsatisfied if he went back? What's the point in living if nothing will ever make you happy? If no matter what you have, it will never be enough.

He thought about all the times in his life that he didn't have enough. The way he could cry to his mom and how she would hold him and say, “Gratitude turns what we have into enough. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a house into a home and every meal into a feast. It doesn't matter what you have, for as long as you are grateful, it will be fulfilling.”

Maybe he didn't need answers. Yes, he definitely desired them, but he didn't need them. He didn't need anything when he really thought about it. Everything he did was based on his wants. So now he had to decide what he wanted most. Life and everything that came with it or death and all it brought?

More than anything, he thought, was that he wanted a hug. It was almost pathetic that his deepest desire was comfort. He wanted happiness and he wanted others to be happy. He wanted to help people in need and he wanted to love.

He did want answers. Really badly. But that want took backseat to his mortal desires. He had the choice to return to everything he's ever known or to step into the unknown with no guarantees.

He looked to chaos and came to a final decision. It just wasn't worth the risk.

Chaos’s own thoughts and memories filled his mind.

Normally when people were presented with the choice, they didn't think twice. They chose purely on the first desire they felt. For most it was the crushing desire to have answers. They chose death without thought to life. Others, Felt the fear and want to go home first and chose life without thinking about death. They didn't get to remember the choice they made when they got back.

Only a few souls in all of existence had actually stopped to give both options thought. They pushed past the desire and gave both options the time of day. Those few souls gotta remember their time in between lives and the answers that they weren't able to connect together. Weather that was a blessing or a curse was up to the person.

Lance honestly wasn't looking forward to having this knowledge amongst the living.

It was time for him to go back. Time for him to be reborn into the same person he has always been, but with answers.

He looked down at his hands and found white light running down his arms. He watched in fascination as the light moved over his hands and fingertips, before spreading out and filling the consuming darkness with life. He couldn't feel it, but he could hear it. It wasn't like anything he had every heard before. It was a sound special to only life.

When light was all that lance could see, everything began moving. Either he was spinning or everything else was, but it didn't matter. When the movement became too fast, he was forced to shut his eyes. 

And just like that, the spinning came to a full stop.

Then the falling began.


	2. Where would we be, without you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, as well as the next, will be in Keith's point of view. I know I said I was going to update on February 1st, but i finished early and i crave validation for my writing more than i want a steady update schedule. please comment, it is the only thing i live for<3

To say Keith felt pissed was an understatement. They were under heavy fire and lance was taking his sweat time doing whatever the fuck he was doing. So much for ‘taking this seriously’.

The paladins had made it out of the base faster than ever, excluding lance, thanks to Pidge. As soon as they made it to their lions, they were in the depths of battle. 

There were 5 battleships, each having 80 fighter jets. There were way too many for the paladins to handle without Voltron. And that’s why he pissed off. Lance had defended him in front of everyone, then came to Keith to make sure he would take this serious. He thought Lance would step up, but he was stupid for hoping. 

If he was being honest, he was mad because battles like this were too hard without Lance. Lance was the one that fought on the outskirts of the battle and called out warnings for everyone else. He was a sniper, both in and out of his lion and he had a good eye for spotting the enemy’s strategies. But Shiro’s orders were currently being lost in everyone else’s voice, all trying to give warnings to each other. Even he warned someone to duck or move every couple seconds, only adding to the chaos. 

Keith and Pidge were trying to move through the Galra’s force’s, taking out jets and causing chaos. Shiro and hunk stayed closer to the castle and worked together to defend it. The castle was stationary, only shooting whenever someone got too close. Allura was trying to save enough energy to wormhole when they needed to.  
Keith took a second to calm himself. then he took his anger at lance and directed it into the battle. He had to bite his tongue to make sure he didn’t say something he would regret. 

Lance and him were getting closer every day, and he didn’t want to throw that away by insulting or yelling at him. Keith could tell the others where getting angsty too by the venom in their voices. Keith could tell if their angst was towards lance or the battle, but his was definitely towards lance. 

Keith was only seconds away from losing it when he heard lance speaking. 

“Blue, what’s going on? Come one girl, I have to get to the hanger.” He sounded… panicked. Almost scared.  
The others seemed to since his panic as well because they bombarded him with questions about his status. When he didn’t hear lance answering anyone, he turned his com’s up to highest volume to hear better. 

Keith said nothing, but there were so many thoughts going through his head. What was happening down there? Why wasn’t lance answering? His mind went from anger to worry in about 0.4 ticks. 

Everyone’s voices came to a sudden halt when lances spoke up again. It was only two words, but they seemed to carry the weight of the universe. In pure fear, lance uttered, “Oh, fuck.” 

An ear-splitting explosion and lances screams followed within the same second. 

Keith couldn't stop the yell of shock or the huge flinch that came from him as his hands came up to cover his ears. His ears were ringing and he could faintly hear Pidge and hunk yelling lances name. When the ringing faded he tried to listen closer to what was happening. 

He was sure both Pidge and hunk were crying or on the verge of tears. Shiro was demanding lance to answer him and Allura’s went between trying to get everyone to pay attention to the battle and calling out of Lance. She sounded like she was about to be sick.

Keith was beyond all of that though. He was so panicked that he wasn't. His mind felt like it had overridden so much it broke now he was. He realized that everyone had stopped fighting or had at least slowed down in their attacks. 

“Everyone focus on the fucking battle! We are still under heavy fire.” He yelled, his voice lowering about five octaves. He knew they wanted to talk to Lance, he did too, but they were soldiers for god’s sake. They needed to get their shit together. 

Everyone seemed to stop yelling for lance but they were still unfocused until Pidge took a hard hit. Shiro seemed to snap out of his temporary panic and ordered them to get back into the battle. 

“Keith, take over communication with Lance. Continue fighting, but try to gain contact.” Shiro ordered. Which was… not unexpected but still strange? Off the battlefield, lance and Keith butted heads sometimes, but on the battlefield they made a perfect team. Keith could keep lance focused and lance could get Keith to think outside of the box without getting himself killed. 

Keith swerved out of the way of a jet and found an opening in the ranks near one battleship. He flew by and shot one jets wing, causing it to slam into two others. He was so focused that he almost didn’t hear the faint gasp and coughing from the com‘s. It was definitely Lance and even though it sounded painful; it was the most beautiful sound Keith had ever heard. It meant he was alive.

Lance continued to cough for a couple moments before it calmed. He still sounded like he was trying to catch his breath but he seemed to get in control of his breathing. 

“Lance? Lance, come in. what happened down there?” Keith asked his voice loud and demanding.  
The only answer he got was a groan of pain. 

“Lance, can you hear me? Please, attempt to contact us.” Panic swirled in his stomach again when there was no reply.

“Maybe his com’s broke, or he’s like, temporarily deaf from the explosion?” Hunk tried suggesting. 

“Hunk, three jets on your nine.” Shiro called out.

Keith dodged a jet that was flying straight at him without thinking. It flew straight into the castle’s particle barrier and exploded. 

Allura and Coran both gasped as the castle shook. 

“Sorry, that was on me.” He called out. He low-key forgot the castle was behind him. 

“We can’t keep taking hits like this. We have to save energy to wormhole and to do that we will have to take down the particle barrier.” Allura sounded stressed and scared. Sometimes Keith forgot that she was only 20. Her being in the pod of 10,000 years didn’t count. 

“Then it’s settled. The second lance gets out we will retreat to the castle and then wormhole as far as we can. Until then, we will keep the barrier up as long as we can and when we have to take it down, we’ll defend the castle.” Shiro left no room for arguments 

Two snaps of someone’s fingers caught his attention. Then he could hear lance faintly through the com’s, sighing disappointed. 

“Who snapped? Was that lance?” Keith asked, shooting down another three, jets. 

“Shiro behind you.” Pidge yelled. 

“Yeah, it was definitely Lance. what's going on down there?” Hunk said, sure of his ability to pick lances snap out of a crowd. Keith almost got jealous. How were two people even that close? He didn’t know if he was jealous of the friendship they had or the fact he wasn’t that close with Lance. 

He shook that thought right out of his head. This was not the time or place to be thinking about anything other than the battle. 

Blue, who was still on the base, caught his attention by shooting up from the ground and wildly flying around the outside of the base. She seemed to be frantically searching for something in a panic. Red seemed to pick up on her worry as well and Keith could feel her irritation towards this entire situation. 

“The blue lion is investigating.” Coran stated, as though no one else had noticed it. “I believe she is looking for a path to direct lance.” 

That seemed to raise everyone’s spirit a little. Not enough to take away from the ache in Keith gut, but enough to refine some of his hope. God, the one time he knew something would go wrong, no one wanted to believe him. The only one that believed him was currently unresponsive because he was right. 

The battle continued and while the Galra still outnumbered them, things were lightening upon their side. They had taken out two of the battleships already and almost halved the number of fighter jets. Everyone was listening closely to lance’s com’s far anything, but all they could hear was his breathing. His breath had picked up, but then slowed back down after a few minutes. 

Keith was “In charge of communications”, But he had no fucking clue on how to go about that. Lance wasn’t listening, so trying to talk to him was a no go. for all they knew he could be bleeding out right now. They needed to send someone down there, but they couldn’t give up a fighter right now. 

There was nothing to go off of and no way to know what was going on. 

At least, until lance hissed loudly in pain. Keith flinched and Coran, pure Coran, said he didn’t know humans hissed. 

Pidge let out a tearful chuckle before saying, “Sometimes people do it as a reaction to pain.” Her voice was shaking. She couldn’t lose another brother like Keith couldn’t lose his closest friend. Hell, he didn’t even realize lance was one of his closest friends till now. 

The blue lion stopped searching and flew into the hanger. That was a good sign Keith guessed. It was an even better sign when lance’s voice reached out to the team.

“Blue Paladin to Voltron,” lance said, his voice hoarse and cracking. 

Nobody could stop themselves from yelling his name, but he continued as though he didn’t hear them. “I got caught in the blast radius of an explosive. I’m not sure of what kind or even where it came from, but i am currently unable to hear anything.” he stopped for a second and took in a shaking breath.

Well fuck, Keith thought, that wasn’t like, one of the worst things that could have happened right now or anything. It’s not like they needed that to communicate or anything. 

“I have a minor head injury, which is bleeding badly. Overall, I should be fine. If you can hear me, please send a message via holo screen. It blocked my path so I can’t get out with the original directions. If I don’t receive a message within 5 quinetents, then I’ll try to find my way out of the base through another path. Over.” 

For once in his life, Keith wished that lance wouldn’t stop talking. Actually, that’s not true, he liked lance's voice sometimes. He especially wanted to hear it now. He wanted to know for a fact that lance wasn’t dying. 

“Keith, you take over communications with Lance. Tell him we can’t help him, but we are leaving as soon as he gets here. Also to let us know what's happening.” 

The yellow lion moved himself in front of red. He had to write fast and then get back to the battle. He quickly typed out a message, sticking to what Shiro said, and maybe adding something about not scaring him like that. 

He sent it without thinking twice and was automatically back into battle. It took lance a few seconds to read it but when he finished, he chuckled and said something about not knowing Keith cared so much. 

“Ha, what did you write, Keith? A love letter?” Pidge teased. Now they knew lance was relatively okay, everyone’s spirits were already lifting. No one realized how devastating it would be to lose Lance until they thought they had. 

“No! I said I-, that he scared us, that’s all.” Keith tried defending himself but it seemed everyone had their mind set on the fact that Keith sent lance a love letter. Children. Every single person on his team was a child

The battle continued with little happening after that. He heard shooting on lance’s end but was only from his rifle, so no one worried too much. He didn't reach out again which worried Keith, but it was fine. Everything was looking up. The other paladins were still going strong in the battle even though it was getting exhausting and repetitive. 

It wasn’t long before Keith saw an opening towards one battleship and he took the chance. 

“Hunk you go on the left of the ship in front of us and I’ll go to the left. Use your jaw blade and gut it down the side.” Keith was on a roll. He wanted more than anything to get out of here and get to lance. 

“Got it. We go on three.” Hunk said with no hesitation. 

They aligned their lions as Shiro and Pidge shot any jets out of their way without being commanded.

Keith knew there were living soldiers on the ship. He activated red's jaw blade. 

“One.” 

He spent his whole life never wanting to kill anyone and yet here he was about to kill god knows how many people. They probably had families. 

“Two.” 

He couldn’t think about that. It was them or his team. It was them or millions of other innocent lives. They wanted to fight for the empire. There was no choice. He had to repeat that in his head even if it wasn’t 100 percent correct. 

“Three.” 

Both lions shot forward, the red holding back on the speed and the yellow pushing for more. They needed to do this in sync or else the explosions could damage a lion. They both made contact, the blades cutting deep into both sides of the ship, explosions following close behind them as they made their way down the sides or the spacecraft. 

By the time they both made it to the end of the ship, it was already breaking apart and drifting into space.  
He heard hunk and Pidge cheer. Three down, two left. 

It wouldn’t hit them until after the battle they had killed many people. It never fully hit during the battles but it always hit after. Every. Single. Time. 

Keith was already moving back to the castle when the particle barrier went down. 

“Okay, Now we play Defense. Get around the castleship in a large circle. Don’t let them close.” Everyone already knew what they needed to do to defend the ship, but Shiro gave the command, anyway. 

“Why hello there,” Coran said in a chippy voice, “I thought I could join this little party we have going on.”  
Keith did not understand what he was talking about, but Pidge cleared it up for him quickly. 

“Coran! I didn’t know you could pilot. Nice of you to join the party.” she was trying to be sarcastic but the relief in her Voice betrayed her.

“They didn’t call the Tailor for nothing! I can’t remember the last time I flew one of these things.” Coran sounded reminiscent and happy. Thing were really starting to look up. 

“Go, Coran! I need you to stay closer to the castle and take care of any fighters that get through the lions.” Shiro directed him. It always felt weird to hear someone give coran orders.

Yeah, they were tired, but there were only maybe 200 jets and 2 battleships and now they had an extra fighter. They could handle that. Lance was alive and maybe a little hurt but he was the only one to that had gotten injured so far. Everything was okay. 

Lance’s screams completely shattered the mood. 

A Piercing scream of pain and shock took Keith by surprise and caused him to swerve right into a jet. It exploded into bright lights that blinded him for a second, causing red to take a hit to the leg. He was quick to recover as he yelled for lance along with everyone else. 

Lance’s scream sounded like it was partly from shock and partly pain. It only lasted a second long before they heard him yelling like he had hit something. Metal hit the floor and then a shot from Lance’s bayard followed by more metal hitting the floor. 

Lance was huffing in air through his nose loudly and making little grunting noises. 

“Ugh,” his voice sounded like he was crying but Keith couldn’t tell, “Fucking, FUCK.” he yelled again.

“Send the boy a message!” Coran yelled. A lot of fighters were getting through.

“I got it!” Pidge yelled. She wasn’t freaking out yet, but it was coming. Her and hunk were both sensitive for the team though Pidge would never admit it.

“Quiznack, what happened? Was he attacked? We should send someone down there!” Hunk was already panicking. Keith was getting there too, but only because he had never heard Lance yell like that. 

Four jets seemed to communicate and try to come at Keith in a organized attack, but red blew them out of the sky with her fire. She was getting super angry. Keith couldn’t tell if it was because he wasn’t paying attention or because lance got hurt again. 

Lance’s breath hitched for a second and he mumbled something. He sucked in a deep breath and then blew it out. He sucked another breath in and then something must have happened because lance blew up. 

“MOTHER FUCKER! FUCKING COMEMIERDA PUTA! Oh my fucking GOD! Son of a fucking bitch, holy shit, oh my god fucking SHIT. Coño, Coño, Coño. Cojones, puta, fucking FUCK.” He was yelling at the top of his lungs in pain and Keith was so shocked that he didn't know what to say. 

Lance continued to curse under his breath, broken up by sobs every occasionally. Keith was trying to think of what he should do or say when a battleship moved towards him. 

“I’ll need backup over here,” Keith said, trying not to focus on lance’s crying. He couldn’t help lance if he was dead. “I have a battleship heading straight towards me.” 

“I’m on my way Keith.” Shiro called through the com’s “Hunk, come with me and help take this out. Keith, go help Pidge and Coran fend the jets away from the castle.” 

“On it.” He called back. Lance was taking deep breaths, sucking air in, holding it and blowing out. His breath was shaky but at least he was breathing. Keith’s anxiety was higher than it had ever been since they have been in space. He didn’t like not knowing what was happening, and it didn’t sound too good. 

Keith moved over to the side of the castle that Pidge and Coran were on and helped the two redheads with the jets.

Grunt of pain interrupted lances breathing, then the sound of struggling. It sounded like he was trying to lift something beyond heavy. All this mixed with the sound of his crying was enough to make Keith want to say fuck it and fly down there to get him. 

But before he could, lance stopped grunting, letting out a big puff of air. He heaved in deep breaths, having finished whatever he was doing. Keith heard a door opening and then the echoing of footsteps. 

Keith was facing away from the base, so he didn’t see when blue came flying out, but he heard both hunk and Shiro yell ‘oh my god, it’s blue’ at the same time. That was the signal that lance was out and they needed to wrap things up. 

“Holy fuck, lance what happened?” Shiro cried out. Shiro never cussed.  
Coran went straight into the castle, most likely to get ready to help lance. The other four lions stayed out to clear a path for blue and Lance. Keith turned on his face cam as soon as he was out of the direct line of fire. 

When Lance’s face popped up, he didn’t have time to prepare himself. Hell, he didn’t know if he could ever prepare himself enough to see someone he loved in such bad shape. 

Lance was leaning back in his seat, looking up at his screens. He wasn’t piloting blue at all, letting her fly herself as he sat back in his seat and held pressure against his back. 

He looked horrible. Blood colored the left side of his face, coming from his nose and a cut that went over his eye. His helmet covered most of his hair, but Keith could still see some curly brown hair plastered to his forehead with sweat. His eyes looked glazed over and his breathing was shaky. 

What worried Keith the most was the amount of blood on his hands and arms. He looked like he was putting pressure on a wound that was bleeding an ungodly amount. 

Everyone was talking all at once. Hunk was crying and Pidge sounded like she would be sick. Shiro, Allura and Coran were all business, trying to get an answer out of him. Keith, once again, did not know what to say. What was there to say? “We left you in a base by yourself and now you look like your gonna die. What’s up with that?” 

Keith dodged another ship and saw Blue slip into her hanger. Pidge and Hunk made their way to their own hangers as Keith and Shiro covered them, all the while yelling over each other.

“Everyone, shut up!” Shiro yelled. Lance looked a little relieved and Keith remembered that he couldn’t fucking hear them. 

“Lance, what happened to you? Where are you hurt? All that blood can’t be from your face. What happened down there?” Shiro bombarded him with questions and Keith was about to tell him to slow down when lance spoke up. 

“Shiro, can you start over?” His voice was so… broken. It was scratching and hoarse, and it sounded like he was already losing it. Jesus Christ. 

A worried look took over everyone’s face. 

“I said, what happened? You said you were almost fine after the explosion. You look like you got hit by a train.” Shiro said again, slower and calmer. The black lion landed in it hanger. 

Now it was only Keith. He took out three jets before turning around and heading back. He was always the last to leave a battle when they were retreating. He was the fastest and could take the enemies they were leaving behind. 

“I may have overestimated my ability to recover after getting exploded. Plus, that was before I got stabbed.” He said and then he had the audacity to fucking chuckle. 

“WHAT?” Keith yelled, along with everyone else. “You go fucking stabbed, and you didn’t think that you should fucking tell us? Holy Shit, how are you alive? Oh my God.” Another three jets pulled out in front of red and Keith had to look away from the screen as he yelled at lance. 

Keith’s voice was loud, and he wasn’t able to focus on what everyone was saying till he closed his mouth. Hunk was hyperventilating and Shiro and Pidge where both begging for Lance to stay awake. 

Keith’s eyes shot open as he snapped his head back to the screen. Lance wasn’t looking at them anymore. He was staring at a random place on his dashboard, unaware of everything else. His eyes seemed to glaze over even more and he looked dead to the world. His hand went limp against his back. 

Red pulled into the castle, but Keith was already moving. He was out of his seat and moving towards red's mouth before he even touched down. By the time he got there, her mouth was already open, and he was jumping out. It didn’t occur to him, he wasn’t anywhere near the floor till he started falling. 

He activated his jet pack enough so he could hit the ground running. And he did. He ran faster than he ever had in his entire life. 

There was a hall that connected all the lions hangers, making a complete circle around the ship. No matter which hanger you were in, every other hanger was right next to you or one hanger over. Blues hanger, unfortunately, was one over. 

Keith sprinted down the hall, running past Pidge‘s hanger and to Lance’s. It took a second to get there, and he was pretty out of breath, but he didn’t once stop. 

Once he made it inside, he wasted no time running into Blue's mouth. He remembered watching lance go inside her for the first time. How it seemed like the single stupidest thing he could do. 

 

Keith ran up the ramp and darted his way into the cockpit. He stumbled to a stop at the entrance when he saw what was happening.

Coran was… Keith did not understand what Coran was doing. he was holding a handheld machine that looked like a gun with a metal suction cup on the end against lances back. He didn't know what it was doing, but it looked like it was helping. 

Shiro was panicking. He was undoing and ripping Lance’s armor off of him, the blue chest plate and helmet already on the floor. 

Both Coran and Shiro had Lance’s blood on their hands. There was a lot of blood. On his face and neck, on his side and all down his leg. 

Shiro’s voice shocked Keith out of his frozen stat. He was demanding Lance to stay with him, but at some point the demands turned into begs. Keith hesitation was over before it began. Shiro never, ever begged. 

Keith was in front of Lance in seconds. His heart pounded as he finally got a good look at Lance’s face up close and in person. Dry blood covered half of his face, stemming from a huge cut that went straight over his eye. It didn’t touch his eye or eyelid, but it went through his eyebrow and over his cheek. Blood was coming from his nose and ear and his face looked bruised in other places. Dirt and dust matted everything his under suit didn't cover.

The red Paladin had never seen lance look anything less than perfect. Even during training or missions when he was gross and sweaty, his face still looked perfect. No one on the team would ever emit it, except hunk, but Lance was the most attractive Paladin. He even surpassed Shiro. 

But, seeing his face now, bloody and beaten? It made Keith’s heart hurt more than it should have. Stuff like this didnt to happen to people like Lance. 

He reached forward and gently cupped his hands around lances cheeks. His right eye was open, but he didn’t look like he was taking in anything. His left had swollen shut. His eyelids drooped and Keith’s panic shot up even higher. 

“C’mon Lance. Stay awake. Im not letting you die today.” He was desperate and scared, yet his voice was stable and strong. He could cry about this later. He would definitively cry about this later.

When Lance made no sign he knew what was going on, Keith decided enough was enough. 

“Coran, go get a Pod ready. Shiro, keep pressure on his wound. We have to move fast.” Keith forced himself to remove his hands from his face. This was not the time nor the place to waste time on stupid things. Now was the time for action. 

“No need, Paladin. Allura is getting the pod and I’ve sealed the stab wound. He needs to get to the pod now.” Coran spoke fast, standing up and tossing his weird machine to the side. Coran had to be the most convenient man Keith had ever met. 

Keith wasted no time picking Lance up. He wrapped his arm under his knees and arms, picking Lance up bridal style. This was the second time he carried Lance to a pod while he was on the brink of death. Keith was “The reckless one” on the team, but Lance had almost died way more often than Keith. 

He could feel Lance’s blood through his gloves and it made him want to throw up. He didn’t waste anytime though. He pulled Lance close to his chest and moved. It was hard to move fast with someone in his arm, but Lance was way lighter than Keith remembered. Or maybe he was stronger. Anyway.

He took off, running out of blues cockpit and through the hanger. The med bay and hangers were on the same floor and Keith wondered if they designed it for situations like this. 

When Keith wasn’t running fast enough, he turned his jet pack on a little. Not enough to throw him off balance or lift him off the grown, but just enough to take weight off him. Coran was in front of him and Shiro was trailing close behind. Even in life or death situations, they stilled moving in protective positions. 

He didn’t even realize he was talking to lance as he ran until his voice cracked. Whether he was trying to convince Lance he would be okay, or himself wasn't important.

It took less than a minute to get to the med bay, but Keith already felt like he was out of time. Lance was a dead weight in his arms and Keith could barely breathe. 

When the doors opened, Everyone was ready. Pidge was working on a pod and Allura was getting a healing suit ready. Hunk was pacing close to the door, ready to take Lance and get him in a pod. Coran ran over to Pidge to help with the pod. 

This is what they had trained for. They went through hundreds of simulated situations to prepare for the worse. Hunk moved with purpose and tears in his eyes, grabbing lance out of his arms. Keith honestly didn’t want to let go, but did anyway. 

Hunk turned around and moved to Allura with Shiro and Keith close behind, but he stopped. Keith had to stop himself from bumping into Hunk, but Shiro didn’t see him stop and ran into Keith. Hunk was staring down at Lance, in total shock. 

“Hunk, What are you doing?” Allura yelled. Even with her training, she was losing confidence. 

“I don’t think he’s breathing.” Hunk said, his voice was oddly emotionless. He was most likely going into some form of shock. 

Everyone had different reactions, but Keith didn’t have time to think about it. Neither did Shiro. They were both in leader mode now. Everyone knew the pod didn’t restart hearts. 

“Hunk, Lay him on the ground, Now!” Shiro moved from behind Keith and in front of Hunk. 

Keith all but shoved Hunk out of the way, getting on his knees across from Shiro. Shira adjusted Lance's face, putting his chin up and pinched his nose. He looked to Keith and didn’t have to say anything for him to start compressions. 

“1, 2, 3, 4…” Keith counted out loud, keeping his voice loud and clear. He could hear hunk explaining through tears what was happening to the Alteans, but he paid no attention. 

Once he reached to 30, Shiro bent down and blew into lance’s mouth twice before moving and taking Keith’s spot doing compressions. So we’re taking turns, Keith thought. He hadn’t even thought about it to be honest. 

Keith switched spots too, moving down a little, closer to lance's face. When Shiro reached 20, Keith reached down and readjusted Lance's head and plugged his nose like Shiro had taught him. 

When Shiro reached 30, Keith’s lips touched Lance’s, and he blew once and then twice and he could feel lance’s chest fill with his air. This was not how he expected his first kiss to go. He didn’t even have time to think about how lance’s lips felt on his before he moved and started compressions again. Him and Shiro were like a well-oiled machine in situations like this. 

Keith compressions were not soft. He could feel lance’s ribs beneath his hands and he knew from experience that his whole chest would be black and blue after this. 

He was losing hope by the time he made it to twenty but he didn’t stop. At his 26th compression, Lance sucked in a deep, horrible breath. It sounded painful and wet but Keith screamed “YES” None the less. 

“Get him up!” Coran shouted. “Forget the suit, straight to the pod.” Coran was practically screaming at them. They all knew lance was his favorite, but none of them had ever seen him lose his cool like this before. 

Shiro waited no time in scooping lance up off the ground and moving to Pidge and Coran. Keith didn’t move. He sat on his knees and watched, his mind going numb. They set lance into the pod, holding him until the door closed. When the door shut, it was almost like it froze lance and much to Keith surprise; the pod sank the ground. 

They only did that when people were in critical condition. 

Keith, along with everyone else, stared at the ground. He reached his hand up and touched his lips. When he pulled his hand away, he found lance’s blood on his fingers. In Fact, when he tore his eyes away from the sunken pod, he looked down to he realized blood covered most of his chest and arms. 

Shock seemed to take over the room when no one moved to do or say anything. 

“Does that count as a bonding moment?” Keith asked, his voice cracking as he referred back to the attack on the castle two years ago. 

Allura and Coran‘s heads snapped towards him to stare at him in compete horror, but it only took seconds for Pidge to lose her composer and dissolve into a laughing mess. 

Shiro was the next to lose himself to laughter followed by Hunk and Keith. Blood still covered everything and the Alteans where staring at them like they were insane, but the tension in the air dissipated.

Lance had just died. He died in Keith arms and Keith didn’t even know. He was just stabbed and then bled out. He was all alone in that base and Keith had the audacity to be angry at him for ‘taking his time’. Lance had died. His hands came up to cover his eyes as a sob broke through his hysteric laughing. He fell back from his knees to lie on his back as he cried without shame

Keith couldn’t tell the difference between his laughing and sobbing. They were blending together into a weird combination that probably made him sound insane. He had been so close to losing lance for good. It was only seconds before someone was grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him into a sitting position. He opened his eyes for a split second to see green before Pidge pulled him into a tight hug. Her arms wrapped around his midsection and she buried her face into his chest. 

It was like all the walls broke then. The laughing stopped as he threw his arms around Pidge and pulled her into his chest. His body racked with sobs, his face buried into her hair.

“Y-You saved him.” She was crying too, but unlike him, her tears were out of relief. Keith’s come out of pure anxiety and fear. 

‘I almost didn’t. If he died, it would be my fault’ he thought as he cried harder. He felt another set of arms wrap around him and then another around Pidge. Lance was the only one that didn’t join the hug which made Keith cry more. He could hear Shiro’s reassuring voice, whispering things her couldn’t make out. He wasn’t crying in the slightest. Hunk was crying, but like Pidge, it was out of relief and joy. 

He had been so stressed lately and Lance getting hurt had pushed him over the edge. Everyone was crying, but Keith was getting to where he was on the verge of a panic attack. 

His breath was becoming fast and shallow and the people touching his body was becoming too much. His body went stiff and what was comforting only seconds ago was now overwhelming. He was shaking hard, unable to keep his mind on anything. He became hyper aware of lance’s blood on his face, chest and Armor and Jesus Christ, lance’s blood was everywhere and he should have been faster and lance could be dead.

Pidge seemed to pick up on his panic because she loosened her grip on him and pull back. This was everyone’s signal that the hug was over and to pull back. Once again Keith didn’t move. Instead, he stared at the ground where the pod disappeared, not knowing what to do. He should do something right now. He should help lance. 

“Keith, look at me.” Pidge said, realizing what was happening. “Keith, I need you to listen to my voice and look at me.” 

He turned his head but his eyes stayed looking at the ground. She snapped twice, forcing his eyes to meet hers. Her eyes were bloodshot and worried. 

“Keith, Lance is okay. You saved him. He’s healing right now. He gonna be okay.” Pidge left no room for questions or argument. She spoke her words like it was the gospel. 

“Keith, you need to breathe.” It was hunk this time. How was hunk doing better than him? It was his lifelong friend that died. “Lance will be fine in a couple days. We saved him, Keith. Just a take deep breath.” 

Keith closed his eyes and focused on breathing. He was fine. Lance was okay, and they were all safe for the moment. Everyone else was perfectly fine, worried, but fine. Why wasn’t he?  
He took deep breaths and felt Shiro’s human hand on his back. When his breath was normal, or as normal as it would get, Shiro helped him stand up and walk towards Allura and Coran, who looked beyond confused. 

No one mentioned what just happened. That was a silent agreement all the paladins came to. If something happened, then they would talk about it one on one. If one of them had a panic attack or flashback or woke up from a nap in the common room because of a nightmare then they wouldn’t talk about as a unit. 

It was kinda embarrassing and almost felt like the other four were ganging up on you when they all talked about it. So instead, they would meet one on one. He knew Shiro would come to the training room later or that Hunk would stop him in the kitchen and Pidge somewhere in the halls. They would briefly speak about it and then never mention it again.

Lance would always come to his room and sit on his bed till Keith talked to him. He never pushed or asked or anything. All he did was wait. Hell, some days nothing would happen and he would still come and sit in his room. All it took was Keith acting weirdly or training too much for Lance to know something was wrong. 

Keith thought back to every time he yelled at lance for it. How he would walk into his room and just see lance sitting on his bed, waiting. Most of the time, Keith would just give in, sit on his bed and talk, but there had been a handful of times that Keith would just blow up on Lance.  
He would scream how nothing was wrong and how Lance just walking into his room was an invasion of privacy. He would insult him and tell him how they weren’t friends, and it was none of his business and he would say anything to get lance angry.  
But he never did. 

Lance would just sit there, staring up at Keith and wait. Every single time, Keith would break before lance. Lance would stare straight into his eyes and Keith wouldn’t be able to stop himself from sitting on his bed by lance and spilling. 

It got easier over time, but Keith hated lance for it at first. The second time he did it with nothing prompting it, Keith had punched lance right across the face. It was after Keith had snapped at just about everyone in the castle and refused to eat at meals. He spent most of his day in the training room and when he went back his living quarters, Lance was waiting. 

First off, he scared the living shit out of Keith. That was enough to make Keith yell at him. What really made Keith mad though, was how no matter what he said, Lance never looked hurt. He would just stare up at Keith from his place on the bed, blank expression and raised eyebrows.  
Keith didn’t pull his punch in the slightest.

When his fist contacted lance’s face, it had so much force it hurt Keith’s knuckles. He looked down to see bright red knuckles with the slightest bit of blood smeared over his fingers. When he looked up, he saw Lance laying on his bed, feet still on the floor. One hand was covering his cheekbone, and the other clenched around the bed sheet. 

The anger that had filled him all day had vanished within seconds. Guilt and regret filled every atom in his body. And when Keith opened his mouth to apologize, lance sat up. His hand was still covering his face, but he looked Keith straight in the eyes and spoke like nothing had happened. 

“What's wrong with you today? You almost made hunk cry caused you grilled into him so hard.”  
Keith broke down. He cried for the first time since they said Shiro died and lance never once made fun of him. It was crazy. This boy that constantly jokes, that was always picking fights and flirting with everything that walked, was calm and serious. 

Keith felt completely broken inside and lance forced him onto the path of putting himself back together. 

The next day Shiro had asked why lance had a bruise on his face and instead of ratting Keith out, lance looked directly at Shiro and said he got caught by a training bots staff. He lied straight to their leader, and it looked so real. Keith would have never, in a million years, guessed that he wasn't telling the truth. 

Lance never brought it up after that. Every time he tried to apologize or say thank you, Lance would act like it never happened and changed the subject. 

That was almost two years ago. Lance would still show up in his room at least once a month, but now it was a welcomed thing. Hell, Keith looked forward to it now. But in all the time they had been in space, Lance had only opened up to him on a deeper level twice. 

No matter what anyone else said, Lance did not like to share personal things like his thoughts and emotions. Normally he would just say the first thing that came to his head, so everyone thought he was an open book. During training, he would keep the other paladins at arm length, just letting them into his mind enough to create a steady bond. No one said anything because they did the same thing. 

When the four paladins had collected themselves and made their way over to the Alteans, Keith realized that they probably think the paladins think it's funny that lance almost died. 

“Paladins, What in the quiznak was that? Do you find it amusing that your comrade, no your brother, almost died?” Yeah, Allura was not happy. She was still holding the healing suit they abandoned. 

“Well, technically he died, but we brought him back to life.” Pidge corrected. She was already taking the trauma of what just happened and compartmentalizing it in her head. She would push the mental break down off until later like the rest. That’s just how they did things. 

“Pidge, not the time.” Shiro stated, looking at Allura. “Allura, Coran, I know it seems bad, but sometimes humans just… do that?” He said, though it came out more of a question. 

God, sometimes Keith forgot that Allura and Coran weren’t human and that they had different psychological reactions. 

“Humans often find humor in the pain and suffering of others?” Coran wasn’t having any of it. His face scrunched up in a scowl and he clenched his hands, still covered in lances blood. Him and Allura stared and the paladins with a newfound disgust. 

“No, we don’t find it funny. It’s like a physiological response and we don’t really have control over it. It’s our brains and body's way of relieving tension and stress. It’s basically a coping mechanism.” Pidge was quick to explain. 

The explanation put the Alteans faces at ease slightly, but they still looked skeptical. 

“So what was the pushing on his chest?” Coran asked. Everyone knew Lance was Coran‘s favorite and that showed in. His worry.

“That was CPR. Lance’s heart.... it stopped. Which means he died. CPR is us to restart people's hearts. Electrical pulses can also used, but we didn’t have those.“ Hunk tried to explain, but it wasn't really something easy to explain. 

“That is…. Abnormal.” Allura whispered to herself. 

“How did stop the bleeding?” Shiro asked. Keith forget about the little machine that Coran had been holding against lance’s stab wound. 

“I did that,” Coran said, raising his hand slightly. “I used and a altean medical device. It's called a medicorum glutinum ponderer or a glue gun for short. It basically uses a biodegradable glue to heal the skin and and stop the loss of blood. It’s almost like cauterizing a wound but without burning, unlike you savage terran‘s. It’s not a permanent fix but it stops blood loss long enough to get to a pod." Coran was returning to his normal, happy go lucky state slowly. His eyes were losing the tension. 

None of the details mattered to Keith. All he needed to know was that lance’s wounds got sealed, and he needed the pod. What he wanted to know was how long it would be till lance got out and where exactly he got injured. 

“What’s the extent of his injuries?” he asked looking between Coran and the panel next to the pod. There were plenty of words on the screen, but Keith couldn’t read Altean. 

Pidge could read it without a problem, being a genius and lance probably wouldn’t have much of a problem considering he was an immigrant child and was great at picking up languages. 

“Well, we should start with the worst.” Coran said, eyes scanning over the screen. “That is obviously the stab wound. Now the wound came from what seems to be a small blade, and while it hit no vital organs or arteries, it did cause a lot of blood loss. He seems to have removed it himself by the looks of the exit. It will leave a detailed scar.” Coran said the last part with slight confusion. 

“Why would he do that? He knows the blade would have stemmed the bleeding?” Shiro asked to no one is particular. 

“Where did the blade come from?” Pidge asked. Everyone looked slightly confused till Allura seemed to catch on. 

“Yes, that is strange. No sentry should have a small blade such as the one used to injure our paladin. The sentry’s only use swords and large daggers.” Her explanation brought confusion to everyone else, causing them all to take a step back and think about it more in depth. 

Why would a sentry have a knife? And if a sentry advanced on Lance why wouldn’t it go for a killing strike? Maybe it got programmed not to kill, but injure? They could have controlled it from an outside resource. 

Keith would have continued to theorize, but hunk brought him back from the depths of his own mind by asking what other injuries lance had. 

“Well, there are quite a few injuries that were not fatal, but may leave permanent effects. This includes the deafness and the cut over his eye. It seems-” Coran got cut off by hunks questions  
.  
“Wait, Is he gonna to be deaf forever? Oh My God, this can’t be happening. I’m gonna cry again. I can’t do this.” His voice was cracking and his breath was picking up again. 

Keith was about to let himself freak out too, considering that going deaf would not only be horrible for lance but also put Voltron at stake, but Coran caught them before they could freak out. 

“No, no, no, he won’t be fully deaf. His eardrums bursted and there is nerve damage to his ear canals though. I think the nerve damage was a blessing in disguise though. Without it, Lance would have been in an ungodly amount of pain. The pod won’t be able to fix the nerve damage to the eardrums and that may leave him poor hearing. We can make a a hearing aid to compensate for the loss.” Coran seemed happy with what he was reading, putting everyone at ease slightly. It could have been worse. He had to keep telling himself that. 

“So he will basically be hard of hearing?” Pidge asked. She looked way more hopeful than before. Knowing her, she probably 

“I’m not familiar with that term.” Coran replied confused. 

“It’s not important. Please continue. You said there would be permanent effects because of the cut over his eye?” Shiro said, stopping the conversation before they could get off track. 

Keith knew they would continue talking about the Deaf community on Terra later. 

“Ah yes, The Cut. Lance will not be happy about this.” Coran took a deep breath and scanned over the screen again. “The cut itself didn‘t contact his eye and won’t affect his sight.” Keith let out a sigh of relief, “But it caused lots of blood loss and is jagged and deep.” 

“Okay, what does that mean?” Keith asked before he could stop himself. He wished that Coran would get to the point. 

“Well, it’s most likely going to leave a scar. It shouldn’t be that bad because of the healing in the pod, but it will be lighter than his skin tone and noticeable.” 

Everyone took a second to take that in. Lance would not be happy about that in the slightest. In the two years they had known each other, one of the few things that had not changed about lance was that he took pride in his face and clear skin. 

Everyone had gained scars over time and none of them were happy about it. Hell, lance complained about his scar on his back every time he was shirtless. But something about having a scar on your face was different. If it was anywhere else on the body, you could hide it, but when it's on your face, it’s the first thing anyone sees on you. 

Shiro was the only one so far with a scar on his face and everyone knew he despised it. There had been multiple times where kids would point and stare on diplomatic missions and Shiro had told him once while drunk that every time he looked in the mirror, it was a constant reminder of his time with the Galra. 

Now lance had the same reminder of war and death. 

“He’s gonna beyond fucking pissed when he gets out.” Pidge said looking at the ground shaking her head. 

“Language, Pidge.” Shiro said on autopilot.

“I meant what I said.” She replied, also on auto pilot. 

“I still don’t understand why you would make words if you're not allowed to say them, Shiro.” Allura said, still confused. 

This had to be the 90th time they’ve had this exact conversation. 

“Okay, Back to lance Guys,” Keith said rolling his eyes, “How long will he be in there? And How long till it comes out of the fucking ground?” Shiro didn’t bother correcting Keith’s language. He had given up on Keith and lance a long time ago, but he was still trying with Pidge. 

“Should be 32 Vargas till it arises from the ground and 57 Vargas till he is out. So about 14 Terran days in total.” Coran said, making Keith’s heart drop. He felt like was about to die on the spot before Pidge cleared it up. 

“Nope, it's a little over three Terran days. Common Coran, we’ve gone over Terra’s time system like 100 times now.” Pidge corrected. God, Coran will give him a heart attack one of these days.

“What about the rest of his injuries? The ones that won’t leave permanent damage?” Hunk asked, concern laced through his words. 

“Well number two, there was a lot of bruising around his chest, ribs and back and a few cracked ribs coming from the explosion and… the CPD?” 

“CPR.” 

“CPR, correct. Some small cuts and scrapes as well but that should heal up just fine. There wasn’t any major damage to his organs or bones, and there were slight burns to his face, but only enough to irritate the skin. Everything should heal up just fine except the things I mentioned earlier.” 

“Where did the bomb come from?” Allura asked. “We know it was a trap which we will discuss more in depth later, but if Lance had not stayed behind than the bomb would have been useless because it didn’t go off when you lot passed.” 

“Yeah, it only went off when he got close.” Pidge added. 

“Maybe it wasn’t a trap for us, but a trap for Lance.” Shiro continued the train of thought. Some things fell together in Keith's mind. 

“That would explain why he got stabbed in some ways. Maybe they didn’t want to kill him. They didn‘t want him to die because of the explosion, they wanted him injured enough so he wouldn't be able to leave. When that failed, they had to resort to something else.” Keith was on a roll, but Pidge caught onto his train of thought. 

“Someone could have overridden a sentry to injure lance to where he wouldn’t be able to escape. They could have been trying to capture him.” 

“But they almost killed him. They did there for a second. If they wanted to capture him than I don’t think they would have given him a blow that would make him bleed out.” Allura said, blunt as ever. 

“I don’t think they were expecting him to remove the knife. They probably didn’t think he was stupid enough.” Pidge added, slightly bitter. 

“Maybe they knew through video recordings of our previous attacks that lance is normally the one to fall behind to take care of any sentries trying to follow us.” Hunk added. 

“We need to change our defenses up so they can’t catch on. We are too predictable and its putting lance at risk. It's putting all of us at risk.” Shiro said, no doubt already thinking of new defenses. 

“It’s a good thing they don’t know what species any of you are besides Shiro. They haven’t considered you are Terrans in their attacks which gives us an advantage. If you were any other specie than that would have been enough to keep him down. Getting exploded, going deaf, and then getting stabbed.” Coran shook his head. “You Terrans will be the death all of us.” 

Keith often forgot that humans where one of the more extreme species. In a lot of ways they surpassed the Galra and what they lacked in blunt strength was compensated for in durability and the ability to adapt to nearly anything. What seemed normal to them was bizarre and crazy to everyone else. Anything from Braces to Terrorism to alcohol completely boggled the minds of almost every other specie. Humans just didn’t seem to die. 

“Okay, we need to get to work. Someone will guard lances pod at all times. We will go in 5 Varga shifts starting with me. The Shiro, Coran, Pidge, Hunk and Keith, in that order. If you aren’t guarding, I expect you to be training, sleeping or working. We will reconvene here in 10 Vargas at the end of Shiro’s shift.” Allura was already getting everyone back into the swing of things. 

“Wait, why am I last?” Keith asked, disappointed. 

“Because I need you to shower and clean blue. From what I saw, it did not look good and you have a good stomach. No offense hunk.” She replied smoothly. 

“Why can’t Pidge or coran do it? I don’t want to clean up lance’s blood.” This was bullshit. He didn’t want to look at all that mess and it was a huge invasion of privacy to go inside someone else’s lion without them there. It felt wrong. 

“Pidge has to decode and go through the information we found on the mission and the lions won't let in someone that's not a paladin.” Ugh, he hated when she was right. Shiro wouldn’t do it because he was the leader, and he would “Want to watch over his fallen teammate” for the first couple hours. Plus, ptsd and all. 

This was stupid. 

“Whatever.” he said, deciding that there was no point in arguing anymore. 

“Okay, everyone go take a shower. You are all gross.” Shiro said, dismissing them. Keith didn’t want to go, but there was blood, sweat and tears all over him. Every time he looked at his hands he wanted to break down all over again. 

“Right, um yeah. See you in 10 Vargas, I guess.” Hunk said, turning with Pidge close on his heels. 

When the door closed behind them Keith turned to the others. 

“I’m gonna go too. I kinda have…” He held his hands up to show the blood. Enough said in his opinion. He turned to leave, but Shiro stopped him. 

“Wait, Keith. Can we talk about what just happened?” He said, probably referencing to the breakdown that happened only minutes prior. Allura and Coran turned away and went over everything to get ready for the debrief. 

“Do we have too? I mean it is still kinda raw. Hell, I still have his blood on my suit.” Keith said. He couldn’t believe Shiro wanted to have a one-on-one right now. His Team mate just died in his arms like 20 minutes ago and Shiro wanted to sit down and have a little chat about it? 

“I mean if we wait then you won't talk about it to anyone. Lance is the only one that can get you to talk about anything traumatic, which is something we need to change, but he’s uh…” He gestured to the ground where the pod was hiding. 

Keith huffed out a breath. He was right. Keith would talk to the others about the little things and every occasionally he would talk about deep stuff but normally it was just lance. No one else could take getting yelled at or punched without getting offended. 

“Fine, whatever. What is there to talk about?” If this had happened two years ago, Keith would have refused, but now things were different. They were in the depths of war and if they didn’t talk about these things and have support than it would build up and destroy them. Not only that, but it would also affect the bonds with their lions and each other. They learnt that the hard way. 

“First off, are you okay?” He said as though it was obvious. 

“No, but I will be. It freaked me out. I thought he was dead for good. I thought I-” Keith cut himself off with a deep intake of breath and looked down. He would not cry again. He rarely ever did near the team and he was getting more embarrassed the more he thought about it. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if we lost him. Both of you knew it was a trap, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted things to be easy for once and it almost got one of my teammates killed. I feel like I let him down.” Shiro ranted. They both needed to talk about it. This wasn't a one sided interaction. 

“You didn’t let him down, but you did mess up.” Keith said looking up. No need to sugarcoat it. “That’s not important anymore though. Lance is… well, he safe now. He’s going to be okay and we can learn from this. We all know the others will follow you no matter what and what you say goes. "

“It’s important that you see everyone’s input as important, even if you think it illogical. Being paranoid keeps us alive. This isn’t your fault and there was no way you could have known the Galra where going to target lance. We can’t have our leader drowning in self pity.” Keith was trying to be comforting, but it was hard to be stern and soft at the same time. 

“I Know. it’s just- I don’t know. If Lance had died? I would have never forgiven myself.” 

“I dont think any of us could. I would have gone out of my mind. Honestly I don’t think he knows just how much he means to us. I kept thinking how close he was to not being here and how I should have ran faster or worked harder. He- he was dead Shiro.” Keith’s voice may or may not have cracked on the last sentence, but thats not important. 

“I know. I honestly think the image of us having to do CPR will haunt my dreams for years.” They both laughed, but it was bitter and short lived. It was quiet for a second before Keith chuckled to himself. 

“I can't believe my first kiss was with Lance.” 

That caught Shiro off guard and got a real laugh out of him. He tilted his head back and brought a hand to his chest as he laughed, which caused Keith to laugh because it reminded him of Chris Evans ‘Left Boob Grab’. 

“Damn It Keith, we shouldn’t be laughing about this.” 

“But, you know Lance would be proud.” Something told Keith that they would be all right. 

Yeah, Maybe they would have nightmares and maybe they were slight traumatized, but Lance was alive. He would recover like the rest of them and in a month, they could look back and laugh and joke about it.

Lance was alive, and that was reason enough to be grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm... Keith seems to be taking a role a leadership in this chapter. Its almost like its foreshadowing something. Like i said before, the next chapter will be in Keith's POV, but after that it will go back to lance's for pretty much the rest of the fic.


End file.
